I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
