i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
