I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
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