At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
being pregnant is like rehab
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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