I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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