kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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