a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Randomize
