Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
