Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
