so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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