don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
