Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
