I hate your face
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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