you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
