Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Randomize
