she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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