I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
