i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Im part way to drunk.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
