the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
