I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
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