Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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