your parents love me but you hate me
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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