I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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