if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
