Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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