My cat gives me a boner
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I want her autograph on my taint
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
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