i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
