Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
