a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
