with your own penis?
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
