My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Randomize
