she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
