btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
PANTIES FOUND
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