No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
