brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
