Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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