At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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