he has the hands of the vagina gods.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
