Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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