It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
