Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
