he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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