She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
