Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
