When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
