The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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