Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
