So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
