Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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