You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
