in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
